Conspiracy Theories

It is a peaceful morning in my cage. (One year living in a wildlife refuge, and I assure you this is an appropriate term for my ‘house.’) I am putting laundry away and mentally writing a future, best-selling novel. (Really cracking myself up now.) I walk past the bedroom window, and a funny-looking bird catches my eye. It has a spiky white hairdo and looks like a heron of some sort. I’m no expert, but I’m sure I haven’t photographed that particular bird before, so I abandon the safety of my cage. Zippy will probably miss me, but he’ll just have to hold down the fort without me. Oh, where have my manners gone? Meet Zippy…


Anyhow, once outside, I approach the pond’s edge to get that funny bird photo. As I raise my camera, the little critter flies away. No sooner have I written the bird off as skittish, when I notice the cute little alligator in front of me. (That’s what we call the little ones. Part of the conditioning you experience after living here for one year.)

little gator

I glance to my left and see some bigger gators near the water’s edge. The egret beside them concentrates on it’s breakfast catch. By all appearances, it is a lazy morning in paradise…

Gators & Egret

Still pining for that funny bird pic, I scan the pond. Movement catches my attention to my left again, and I take note of one of the bigger gators swimming closer to me. Now, I’m still kind of new around here, but these Floridians insist the gators aren’t interested in me, not to pay them any attention. Even my husband assures me that people are more dangerous to people than gators are to people. It all makes sense…I suppose…but I am a writer with a very active imagination. Fiction stories, fantasies, conspiracy theories, my mind is a mumble jumble of a mess more often than not…As the gator nears, I keep my feet planted firmly, but my imagination runs wild…Is he or she simply taking a closer look at a nonnative species to this island…humans? Kind of like when I photograph the animals? The gator is just studying me? But, wait a second, is that blood lust in his eyes?


I know the locals say gators don’t like humans for food, but are they certain? I don’t think gators can be vegetarians… Speaking of vegetarians, I am practically a vegetarian…sure, I occasionally eat fish, but I can’t possibly look like an appetizing entrée to this gator can I? He would have to be a very health conscious gator. Of course, now that I think about it, I could be a very appealing treat to someone who is into healthy eating. If you are what you eat, I’m a vegetable! What if this gator is into healthy eating? I decide to walk back inside my cage. (Fine, it is more of a jog slash run.) Once inside, I study the gator as he studies me. He comes right up to the bank…

Gator at edge of pond

He raises his head and tail at the same time, and I try to get a good photo from my window. This is only the second time I have seen one do this…


He hits the water with his tail and head, causing ripples across the pond. And he sits there and stares…


I implore my husband to look out of the window. “Do you see this? Is he waiting on us to send the weakest member of the tribe out for sacrifice?” I ask him.

My husband shakes his head and ignores me, muttering something I can’t understand, though I catch the word crazy quite clearly.

I watch with a combination of fear and curiosity as the gator stares at something… I recall reading about alligators ‘head slapping’ during courtship. Maybe the gator’s odd behavior is because of mating season. I have nothing to fear. If I’m to trust the internet, Floridians, and my husband, it would safe for me to go back out and look for that dang bird. Where did that bird go anyway? I’ve wasted a good half hour of writing time because of it! Out of nowhere, I spot the little devil! The gator sees him too and turns just as the bird dashes past him…That bird really is skittish! My photo doesn’t even show his funny hairdo. I’ll have to get closer! But what about the gator sitting there…What does he want?

gator and bird

Now, this could be that overactive imagination of mine, but suddenly it occurs to me…Maybe, this is all a ploy to get the healthy vegetable eating lady out of her cage…Sure, there is the mystery of mating season to consider. What species doesn’t act ridiculous when looking for a mate? But what about my very clever theories? I mean, what happened to the other two gators who were out there when the big one came closer to me? Are they waiting to ambush me when I go out after the bird photo again? But what is it about that silly bird? Do my internet friends really care about seeing a bird with a funny hairdo?!?

It’s official. I’m really losing my grip on sanity. My husband is right. (Take note, Charles…I said you are right!) 😉

I decide to walk away from the window. I will not go back out there -into the wild- today. Because whether anyone paying attention will agree with me or not…I am on to something here, people…The animals out there are co-conspirators. That funny-looking bird and the gators are in this together. 😉

2 thoughts on “Conspiracy Theories

    • I know you are right…I will have to think about this. I heard that someone put a remote controlled boat in the pond once, and a gator popped up to investigate. But the guy behind the boat panicked about losing his boat and pulled it out of the water. There has to be another way.


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